so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
