Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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