Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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