Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
