ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
