why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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