I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
