If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize