White coat. Heels.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
