He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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