Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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