By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
