i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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