Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
