But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
