We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
