There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
