In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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