We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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