i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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