she was so not down for the gang bang
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
