the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
