my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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