Swine flu. Run for my life!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
