bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize