guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
