You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
