Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
