If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
