Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize