i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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