i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
