I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
