I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
