Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
