my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
