mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
