Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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