I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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