Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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