the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
