I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
