Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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