am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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