I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need to calm my uterus...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
