we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
