I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
