i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
