I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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