So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
