the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
