Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
