im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
