The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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