Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
