who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
