what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
