So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
