Swine flu is the new snow day.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
did i walk over a car last night?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
