its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
