I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
