I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
