I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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