singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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