I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
