Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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