Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just pee around me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
