So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
