I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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