you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
