I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
