i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just high enough for therapy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
