apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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