i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
